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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29765901">Relighting Through Embers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unaxxii/pseuds/Unaxxii'>Unaxxii</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exes, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Growing Up Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Second Chances, Time Skips</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:27:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29765901</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unaxxii/pseuds/Unaxxii</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” - Joan Crawford</p><p>Embers. The smouldering remains of a fire? Slowly dying and fading emotions or memories still capable of being revived? If they are rekindled will the fire burn comfortably or will their treacherous force rip through everything once more?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kozume Kenma &amp; Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou &amp; Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Relighting Through Embers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A small TW for the chapter ahead - There are descriptions of Dissociation and flashbacks of a non-traumatic nature.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Choruses of cicadas echoed through the school yard; boldly announcing the depths of summer that lingered over Tokyo. Clear skies smiled down on the vast grounds, barely a cloud in sight, white cottons streaking down at the very horizon but no higher. Students parted from their club activities to make their way home before the sun dipped too low in the sky, their glee could be felt on the air as bright giggles and yells echoed around, a bell chiming in the distance. A stifling heat filled every corner of the Nekoma gym, the doors thrown wide allowing a scarce breeze to break through but very little comfort was provided, the air a mere meter from the doors was still sticky as ever. </p><p>Several boys rested on the hardwood floor in various states of exhaustion after yet another practice session, crimson faced and panting. The little blonde gamer was the least yet most exhausted of the team, sticking to his minimum effort way of life but still managing to run himself down. He joined his sweaty team-mates on the floor, head in his captain’s lap, games console held firmly above his head bleeping and chirping as he worked his way through yet another level. </p><p>Conversation had quickly turned to an all too typical teen subject; Crushes. </p><p>Normally this kind of subject would have done very little to interest the blonde, anything with such emotional depth was on another plane – too far removed from his logical mindset. But today something had uncharacteristically drawn him in. And his companions could tell. His eyes periodically breaking away from the neon flashing screen to glance curiously at his peers.  </p><p>“What about our little Kenma-san?” a teammate chortled, voice dripping with sarcasm. </p><p>If the little setter’s face wasn’t already glowing hot and red from the little training he did partake in, then he’d have been unable to hide the heat that suddenly prickled across his skin. He knew this question was never <em>really </em> intended to be serious. There was a long-standing belief that Kenma possessed very little ability, or even desire, to connect with his peers and thus he would just shrug off these kinds of teases. He’d played this role, led them to believe this for a very long time, staunch to the very act. Under normal circumstances they’d have swiftly met a side-eyed glare, the room would flicker with caustic fury, and that would be that. However, for some mysterious and undecided reason, it was not a normal day. Not for Kozume Kenma. </p><p>This time his lips had formed around the words, leaking them out before he’d even a chance to fully process the weight of his response. </p><p>“Well, me and Kuro have been together for a while now... so...” </p><p>Silence. </p><p>Even the cicadas gave way for a moment, their sweet chirping dropping off as if a blanket had covered the entire world, dulling every sound. The silence was deafening, crushing down on them. </p><p>Then Kuroo felt shocked eyes bore into him, his own blown wide in disbelief. </p><p>Timidly he cast them downwards and they caught the golden ones peering back. They seemed alarmed, probably at their owner's uncharacteristic boldness, but underneath that was a usual nonplussed edge the feline male had adopted. </p><p>“W-When...?” </p><p>Kuroo was shocked by this, he’d apparently been in a secret relationship for a while. Secret even to himself. However, he also felt glad – elated – because the boy he’d focused his attention on for years had clearly been doing the self-same thing. </p><p>Several years prior a pre-teen Kenma started to notice the flame of interest sparking up, the warmth of it growing along with them, eventually it grew into a strong and steady flame that planted itself firmly in his chest. He’d made attempts to extinguish it but these only led to it burning all the brighter. He needed his friend. It was undeniable. </p><p>“Am I mistaken?” </p><p> Kenma’s voice was almost a whisper now. And was that an edge of... embarrassment? Sadness? Kuroo’s eyes softened as he brought his hand to rest on the blonde’s head, ruffling the silky hair draped across his thighs. </p><p>“No. No you’re not.” </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Glints of warming light spilt through the viridescent trees, casting sparkles and shadows against grown-out bleached hair that had been hastily assembled into a low bun. </p><p>Kenma made his way down the side walk, the early summer breeze tingling at his neck, reminding him of the smothering heat to come. Images continued dancing through his consciousness as his eyes glazed, bringing his legs stalling to an almost halt. </p><p>Every so often he liked to muse over his first love, other times - this one included - he was reluctantly pulled into a state of anamnesis, reminded of times past. The long awaited but short-lived romance so often plagued his thoughts. Pain found its way to his core, tugging at his heart violently, until he could do nothing amongst the rushes of high-pressured blood that pounded past his ears. Dizziness would claim him and he’d find himself clutching at his chest or head, riding out the wave. </p><p>Numerous times past he found himself completely plagued. Recalling gentle touches, parting lips, heads against warm shoulders. Fond memories he preferred to lock away in the deepest recesses of his mind, save he remember the less savoury ones.  </p><p>And then, as easily as the memories came, they quickly dispersed. Leaving him to pick up the pieces of his aching heart. </p><p>Legs sped up then. Balancing out the absent-minded pace they had slowed to during Kenma’s unwelcome reminiscing. Birds shyly scattered away from him, their soft wings beating in their escape. He took them in for a moment, coveting after their freedom. Humanity, in Kenma’s opinion, was sometimes so unfair – even if he only thought this when he had commitments. Otherwise, he was more than happy to take advantage of all of humanities greater technological creations. </p><p>The laptop that hung from his shoulder bumped his hip with every step, the strap straining to let out bold creaks. Kenma decided this was its way of mocking him for losing his head to thoughts a mere hour before his brain power would be tested.  </p><p>He groaned; he loved his job, sure, but people were not his forte. Multiple eyes trained on him due to his ideas developing into business meetings, proposals and presentations were a thing of nightmares, not that he’d be willing to let it show. One thing hadn’t changed since High School, his cool front, and he wasn’t about to let that façade break so easily. </p><p>Back home his games console waited, he just had to get through the day and he could settle into his gaming chair and relax. Maybe he would complete another 24-hour stream if he wasn’t completely spent from the events of the business meeting ahead. It would likely be a coffee-fuelled kind of 24 hours either way. His co-workers took great pleasure joking that coffee is Kenma’s life-giving nectar. Without it he would fall into a rotten mood – one that struck fear into those around him - that would then require several cups before he’d transcend back out of the simmering rage. </p><p>This vice was entirely down to Kuroo’s influence. In an attempt to break Kenma out of his <em>supposedly </em>self-destructive routine (outside of volleyball) of early hours gaming fests, monster energy sugar crashes, afternoons curled up under Kuroo’s blankets while he studied and nothing else, he started taking him to get coffee a few times per week. The jolt of energy he’d felt after that first pick-me-up ran through him and made him feel invincible. From that point onwards he could do nothing but compare it to a power up straight out of his favourite games. Instead of breaking his routine, he’d merely added an additional step to it, but at least he was getting out. Kuroo seemed delighted to share this time with together; especially when Kenma went from whispering his order delicately to Kuroo, his fist clamped firmly around his sleeve with whitened knuckles, to ordering for the two of them without so much as an ounce of hesitation.  </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>For the first time since waking that glorious scent was drawn into his lungs, swinging open the Coffee Shop door with a tinkling chime, an aromatic spice released into the slowly warming air. Inhaling the café's aura, he allowed his gaze to fall around the room, swiftly noting that his favourite corner was already claimed. He pushed his exasperation down, reminding himself that his annoyance was purely resulting from his flashback. </p><p>He’d been coming here for several years now, the intimate little café was perfect for him, neither too busy that he was overwhelmed or too quiet that he stood out. And it wasn’t the one he and Kuroo had frequented, meaning he could avoid his High School lover. Initially he tried a new thing each time he visited to investigate as much of the menu as possible. Eventually settling on a very ordinary americano with a dash of vanilla. He was such a regular that he didn’t have to tell the staff what he wanted anymore. They even knew him by name. </p><p>The tension he had been holding finally melted away with the first sip, he’d managed to work his way into another slightly less secluded corner nearer the door, bringing his legs up to press against the table edge he finally felt relaxed. He was fervently aware that tension built up inside him every time he allowed himself – or didn’t allow for that matter – to reminisce on the past. He wished he could recall only the good and experience that warm flicker that ebbed and flowed throughout his body, but this unfortunately was not the case. </p><p>He rest his head gently on the wall behind him, bringing the mug back to his lips but when he closed his eyes to relish in the taste another memory flashed through his mind: Kuroo’s gentle hum of enjoyment as he sipped his own coffee. Then another: Kuroo smiling sweetly down at him before wiping the cream that clung to the corners of Kenma’s mouth. Then another: The icy gust that bit at them one March afternoon as they left their final coffee date together. The chatter and clatter around him slowly faded out as he descended deeper and deeper into his own head. </p><p>He fell right into another series of flashbacks. </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Veils of breath billowed around the boys faces, mixing with the icy raw March air. They made their way home as they had the last two years. Together. This would be the final time. Kuroo walked proudly with his diploma tucked under his arm, a spring working its way into his step as his future prospects became even closer to his reach. </p><p>“I’m glad we made it to nationals this year.” </p><p>Kenma glanced sideways at him, the setting sun behind him silhouetting his form so he was unable to see the precise expression on the graduate’s face. Was he sad? Even in the slightest? He didn’t seem it. Maybe he was hiding it? Or maybe he was just that happy to be leaving High School. Leaving him behind. </p><p>His fingers found their way into the brunette's palm, glowing frosty skin against Kuroo’s fluffy gloved hand, a gentle squeeze passed between them. Kenma frequently sought out comfort from him this way, a squeeze of reassurance that he was still there by his side and this time Kuroo knew the significance. </p><p>“I’m not going anywhere Ken-nyan, we’re still together I’m just not in school with you anymore. That changes nothing.” </p><p>Kenma frowned. Moments later Kuroo was in front of him, tilting his head upwards, bringing in soft lips to meet his. He breathed the moment in, holding onto it with desperation, pleading with time to stop. Pleading for tomorrow to never come. He didn’t want to know what a day without Kuroo was like. But sadly, tomorrow did come. </p><p>His mind fought with him, moving toward the next memory as he desperately grasped at the previous in all its sweetness and purity. But slowly, he lost grip. </p><p>Then he was in his bedroom. Sat on his bed amongst blankets and pillows with Kuroo’s volleyball jersey he’d left once on mistake draped from his shoulders. It had made its home here for the past few days due to Kenma’s refusal to change yet alone leave his room; he missed Kuroo and nothing felt the same without him. Mornings had become the most bitter as he no longer found him waiting before the walk to school. He no longer had someone to chastise him for waking up late or not combing his hair. Then there was volleyball, he hated that Kuroo’s place on the court was so easily handed to someone else. He refused to go to school, the first few days alone had pushed him into a state of shock, he needed time to adjust but didn’t know how to allow himself that. </p><p>He refused to let the tug at the corner of his eyes win, his face was already streaked with tears after numerous silent sobbing sessions and dehydration was starting to become a little too permanent. </p><p><em> Buzz buzz. </em> </p><p>Light flooded the room, cascading off his phone screen as a notification came through. Kuroo was continuing a conversation that spanned the several days since he walked out of Nekoma Academy for the last time. Every single time the neighbours-turned-lovers had attempted to make plans something had got in the way. He scanned over the message and sighed deeply. Of course. </p><p>“I can’t make it this time Ken-nyan. Sorry.” </p><p>His reply came fast. </p><p>“It’s fine. Another time.” </p><p>And that was that. </p><p>They didn’t talk again until the following day. Every time they spoke the gap grew more and more until it was an unspoken rule that they were no longer a couple, barely even friends. The distance had become too vast. </p><p>Kenma finally returned to school, walked back out onto the court, started setting for someone else. Life moved on. Every so often Kuroo would check in but it was always surface level. Every so often he’d walk past Kuroo on his way home. But his new university friends made him feel unnerved so he avoided conversation, scarred by the first and only time he made their acquaintance where he was met by a wall of queries, questions and curiosity. He knew that their downfall was partly his fault for this very reason but he just wasn’t social in the same way Kuroo was. So, he would flood his ears with music and quick march past. </p><p>His consciousness blurred again momentarily as he desperately tried to force his way back out of his own mind, his nails clawed fiercely into his palm and he held his inner cheek between his teeth, but it wasn’t enough. It never was enough to break the spell, once he was in, he couldn’t get back out no matter how hard he tried. Every time past found him riding the wave of memories until his subconscious had exhausted itself or someone else broke the spell for him. No matter how hopeful he pretended to be, pretending to himself that the next memory was going to be another syrupy sweet shared moment between the two, he knew well enough when he was lying to himself. </p><p>Then came that Sunday morning where Kenma’s heart lodged into his throat leaving him in agony. Leaving him breathless and broken. </p><p><em> Knock knock knock. </em> </p><p>It was inpatient and loud enough to wake the blonde but it wasn’t at his door, it was at Kuroo’s. He tried to go back to sleep, rolling to face away from the direction of the noise. Curiosity got the better of Kenma quicker than he’d be comfortable admitting until he found himself peering from behind his curtains. </p><p>Why was that grumpy blonde outside Kuroo’s house? </p><p>Kuroo hadn’t been able to make time to see Kenma for months, how was he fitting in seeing someone else? </p><p>Then it made sense as soon as Kuroo stepped into view, closing the door behind him and smiling gently at Tsukishima. God, the look in his eyes was soul destroying, mirroring the way Kuroo would look at him during their most intimate and private of moments. Did he love Tsukishima? Was this Kuroo’s new Kenma? He felt hurt. Replaced. His head hung limply, chin digging into his chest as he allowed the curtain to flutter back into place. </p><p>Destroyed, the blonde crawled back into bed, pulling the blanket over his head to dull out the rest of the world. He could just make out Kuroo’s laughter growing more and more distant until it had faded away entirely. This time his tears flowed. </p><p>“We should break up” </p><p>Kenma text this a few hours later even if it was lost on Kuroo anyway, clearly in his eyes it was already over, but if he could elicit a little guilt, it was worth it. The brunette deserved it for leaving him hanging in the unknown for so many months. Kuroo never responded.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading the first chapter of "Relighting Through Embers", I really hope you enjoyed.<br/>I'll be completely honest it's taken me a lot of courage to upload this piece as I'm trying to reignite my love for writing, maybe this is the perfect piece given the title?</p><p>I'm open to any constructive criticism so please fire away and let me know of anywhere I can improve.</p><p>Thank you again, take care!<br/>- Abi Luna/Unaxxii</p></blockquote></div></div>
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